I have had insomnia for years. I found some Chinese herbs in a pill that have helped me a lot sleep.
After a powerful and spontaneous experience(s) of unconditional Love and Wholeness, my defenses are down, and that makes me subject, at least for the time being, to negative "energies" from people and crowds around me.
When I was having open heart surgery in 1988, I went out of my body and "died", I went towards a very bright Light and a tunnel to this Light and felt Free and Love and at Home, Then a voice on the left said, "you cannot stay here, you have to go back to your body. I DID NOT WANT TO, but I did go back to my body, and over 6 weeks recovered enough to go back to work.
Several months later I began to have terrible insomnia and panic attacks (an intense fear of dying in the next hour), with no reason I could determine. I have no personal history or family history of anxiety/panic/or ongoing fear. I kept working some how and working out, and after about 4 years of hell, I got past it. But my life change drastically over the next 15+ years.
I found out much later that when the voice in the LIght told me I could not stay, I interpreted this through an
old emotional filter that even God did not want me.
So I have a long standing fear of letting go deeply again , because I fear I will not be wanted again! This applies to sleep for me, and also some say the soul travels when in the deepest sleep, to others levels of existence, some not safe and not "healthy". And when we go to unsafe places, some of us wake up, off and on all night. In medicine, it is called intermittant waking disorder.
The drug Ambien is the least addictive sleep medication. When it works, it really works. You can research it on the Web and ask your doctor. For some it has been a "god send" and for other it has been hell.
Those in hell with this drug seem to have pre-existing serious psychiatric conditions.
Recently I found out that I was told to go back to my body because my destiny was not fulfilled and I had more work to do in my body and on earth.
Rumi said
"The way to love is not a subtle argument.
The door there is devastation.
Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom
How do they learn it?
They fall, and (in) falling,
they'er given wings.
Quoted in the
Wisdom of the Enneagram
Don Riso and Russ Hudson 1999, p. 367
My experiences are that pealing away the layers of my self, personality, small habitual self, opens up many layers, like and onion, and these layers are "falling" and sometimes "devastating". And as AA says, "the way out is trough it." I am not an alcoholic and I do have great respect for the everyday Wisdom of AA/NA.
Kind regards,
James