Hi; I'm not exactly sure how I should put my question...
Almost a year ago my teacher told me, after I managed to do the 24-Form alone, he would start to show me the Yang Style Long Form. I was quite excited because I saw it a few times and I thought that would be a really major challenge to memorize all the moves. So my teacher showed me the beginning of the first part but then he stopped showing me more...; I managed to learn the first part because in some classes the older students are doing it. It took my quite a while to get the first part. Now in classes with beginners my teacher let me train with the students and show them the first part, so they can learn it to. I even trained it with very experienced students which didn't know the order of the first part and now they are able to do it be their own. But my teacher never talked with my about the form.
I asked my teacher if he would show me the rest of the form and he promised me to show it, but that he's very busy I should a wait (that was in april..). I asked a few times more, but same answer. He also stopped taking time for me so I could ask a few questions after training. It feels like he is avoiding me somehow. And it offends me. My teacher is also sort of a mentor, he's the only person I can talk about what I'm doing with my taichi and my qigong training, he is really open and our talks were quite special for me. I'm not used to talk about very personal feelings with people and when you are talking about inner qigong it is quite personal. I trust him (what I seldom do with others) and he's a friend to me. So, that he's avoiding me hurts me personally and gives a bad feeling to my training.
I bought the DVD from Dr. Yang (my teacher is a former student of Dr. Yang) and the book to learn the rest of the form. A few weeks ago I managed to do the whole form by my self and I was so happy about it and I told my teacher and he didn't say anything. Not a word. I'm practicing all be my self hours and hours alone and sometimes I cry because I feel left alone with everything and there is no one to talk about or to ask all the questions. I don't know if I'm doing the form correct or not. I'm quite lost.
I know that my teacher is (was?) impressed by what I'm doing and how fast I'm learning and I think that I'm the only student he talks (well talked...) about all the inner qigong practice. He once said to me, that he never had a student that learned as quick and as deep as I do.I know, I have to let my ego aside, but now and then my ego needs some stroking and reassurement..!
I think my teacher is testing me. It's not the problem, that I would quit my training because my teacher is not giving me enough attention; my problem is more that my training is becoming a sad thing. And when I'm doing the Long Form now, I'm connecting it with a sad feeling which is not what I wanted when I startet practicing this form.
What do you think..., Should I talk to him and explain my situation or should I just wait and see. I did nothing to offend him that would give him a reason to treat me different than before. Can you tell me something about teachers testing their students? I'm thankfull for any advice.
Sorry my bad english, it's not my native language
with kind regards susanne