Is my teacher testing me?

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Is my teacher testing me?

Postby susu » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:09 am

Hi; I'm not exactly sure how I should put my question...

Almost a year ago my teacher told me, after I managed to do the 24-Form alone, he would start to show me the Yang Style Long Form. I was quite excited because I saw it a few times and I thought that would be a really major challenge to memorize all the moves. So my teacher showed me the beginning of the first part but then he stopped showing me more...; I managed to learn the first part because in some classes the older students are doing it. It took my quite a while to get the first part. Now in classes with beginners my teacher let me train with the students and show them the first part, so they can learn it to. I even trained it with very experienced students which didn't know the order of the first part and now they are able to do it be their own. But my teacher never talked with my about the form.

I asked my teacher if he would show me the rest of the form and he promised me to show it, but that he's very busy I should a wait (that was in april..). I asked a few times more, but same answer. He also stopped taking time for me so I could ask a few questions after training. It feels like he is avoiding me somehow. And it offends me. My teacher is also sort of a mentor, he's the only person I can talk about what I'm doing with my taichi and my qigong training, he is really open and our talks were quite special for me. I'm not used to talk about very personal feelings with people and when you are talking about inner qigong it is quite personal. I trust him (what I seldom do with others) and he's a friend to me. So, that he's avoiding me hurts me personally and gives a bad feeling to my training.

I bought the DVD from Dr. Yang (my teacher is a former student of Dr. Yang) and the book to learn the rest of the form. A few weeks ago I managed to do the whole form by my self and I was so happy about it and I told my teacher and he didn't say anything. Not a word. I'm practicing all be my self hours and hours alone and sometimes I cry because I feel left alone with everything and there is no one to talk about or to ask all the questions. I don't know if I'm doing the form correct or not. I'm quite lost.

I know that my teacher is (was?) impressed by what I'm doing and how fast I'm learning and I think that I'm the only student he talks (well talked...) about all the inner qigong practice. He once said to me, that he never had a student that learned as quick and as deep as I do.I know, I have to let my ego aside, but now and then my ego needs some stroking and reassurement..!

I think my teacher is testing me. It's not the problem, that I would quit my training because my teacher is not giving me enough attention; my problem is more that my training is becoming a sad thing. And when I'm doing the Long Form now, I'm connecting it with a sad feeling which is not what I wanted when I startet practicing this form.

What do you think..., Should I talk to him and explain my situation or should I just wait and see. I did nothing to offend him that would give him a reason to treat me different than before. Can you tell me something about teachers testing their students? I'm thankfull for any advice.

Sorry my bad english, it's not my native language
with kind regards susanne
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Re: Is my teacher testing me?

Postby brer_momonga » Wed Aug 07, 2013 9:19 am

I'm sorry to hear that this situation has you upset.

there could be all sorts of strange factors - some involving you, some not.

for what it's worth, I went through a stage where I was sad doing the form too and had what seemed to be a bad association with it - and class - and my teacher. it seemed to last a very long time. it passed though and when it returns like a strange cycle it doesn't seem to last as long nor is it as distressing.

Now that I talked about it, it will be my turn to suffer again!

perhaps this helps us to never forget what we learned. perhaps bits of chaff are passed down with the seed.

Practice what you want in your spare time, but in class I'd recommend practicing only what he has shown you. keep doing it better and better and do not care if he is watching you.

being in the back of class is hard but I think it is a great compliment that he has you teaching new students. That is the job of senior students.You may be part of his vision for the school's future. and if you are not, you will be free.

it seems you aren't getting any instruction, but if you watch him, you will. Though he instructs other students directly, you can be in a better position to see what he is doing.

watch him while focusing on what you are doing.

there may be a day where you wish you could watch him but instead, he will be instructing you.

try not to seek approval from him. work harder than everyone else seems to be working but do not try to be his favorite.

it sounds like you are getting traditional training, but at the end of the day it is expensive and we have modern needs.
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Re: Is my teacher testing me?

Postby susu » Wed Aug 07, 2013 9:49 am

Thank you for taking the time to give me such a kind answer.
It means a lot to me. It's what I was thinking too. It is not, that my teacher treats me bad or something he just is (pretending?) not to notice me. Sometimes he makes jokes about it and I smile but inside I'm sad about the situation. And as a friend I would tell him but he's my teacher and so I don't.

In class I learn a lot of new things. And I'm never bored. Everything is so interessting even if we go times and times through the 24 form, always something new to learn and to discover. I'm not the person that likes to be in front of class, I'm quite happy when I can stay in the back.

I don't know if you are familiar with "the book of changes", ...it told me to "bite through"..., so that's what I'll do.

Very kind regards from switzerland
Susanne
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Re: Is my teacher testing me?

Postby joeblast » Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:01 am

Be mindful of your attachments...
Display patience and humility...
Ok to learn from the other source, but be careful of learning it too well that you may miss subtleties in what he teaches you.
Be patient and practice with good heart, he will show you when the conditions are right...they may feel right for you and that's why you want to press on, but who among us is clairvoyant enough to see interdependent origination? The time will be ripe when it is ripe.
Bite through, indeed.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/ ... n-english/

“We need to appreciate our mistakes and the ways in which we seem to mess ourselves up. In the life of a practitioner, those seemingly false steps represent the ripening of karma and the exhaustion of evil deeds…

Shantideva says, you become like a stick of wood, a dry stick of wood, lying in a field, when the change is up and you simply experience the change. And that’s how you resolve karma, that’s how you do it. You stay with the feeling and you stay with the situation; you stay with the unacceptable level of stress, emotional stress that the situation is causing you. And you realize it’s really your own sh*t and you hang out with it and you go through it. And at the end, because you have been willing to live through the feeling, which is something that humans don’t ever do. They never do it, humans don’t do that. That’s how samsara goes, because you never actually live through a feeling without dumping it on someone else or repressing it.

But when you do do that, when you simply hang out with the feeling you resolve the karma and at the end of the process you see a lot of things you never saw before. Now you could say this is a sort of reward for doing a good job, which I’m ok with that way of looking at it. But from a psychological standpoint, because you’ve been willing to take the feeling as a feeling and not as the truth about the situation and simply live with it, therefore your personal investment in seeing things in that old way has been diminished, and because of that now you can see things in a different way. And you get all kinds of interesting insights about it.” ~Reggie Ray of the Dharma Ocean Foundation
Even in mildly complex systems, any outcome is the wrong thing to target, with the process being where the focus should be.
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Re: Is my teacher testing me?

Postby susu » Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:14 am

Oh wow..., there are no better words you could have written me...
It's exactly like that. Endure, take the pain and grow on it. You know, I always think that most of the people don't think as deep as I do and that's my misstake in that case...! My teacher is a very fun person and makes a lot of jokes and he is chaotic and so on, so everybody thinks he is quite an easy going person... but he dedicated his whole live to chinese martial arts and he is studying it now for about 35 years, learning from very well known grandmasters.... and that is exactly what makes him different from most of the other teachers, the deepnes of his knowledge.

And he knows that I'm not just coming to classes to do the forms... and he knows that taiji and qigong is becoming my live too...-I'm studying chinese medicine- and that I'm training hard; physically and mentally. So I really don't have to worry, I can endure almost everything even without knowing the outcome (reward...). If he is testing me, it's an honour to endure... kind of :wink: !

The thing that bothers me and I have a very hard time to deal with it, is that he's a friend too and taking away from me the teacher means also taking away the only friend I have to talk about taiji and qigong.

Thank you so much for you "perfect" answer!
Very kind regards from Switzerland
Susanne
susu
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Re: Is my teacher testing me?

Postby joeblast » Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:04 am

At least these days one doesnt have to sit outside teacher's gate for days on end just to be accepted to be taught :lol: Even jesus said take this cross from me...and I myself have done so also, please just get me out of having to endure whatever mess I am faced with. It is a natural human reaction. Getting through that mindfully and learning from the experience is what really makes one grow :D

You're very welcome, always glad to help :)
Even in mildly complex systems, any outcome is the wrong thing to target, with the process being where the focus should be.
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